Wed.
How is everyone this hump day? Good, I hope, and in better spirits than I am.
I guess it's the hormones kickin' in again, but I haven't been worth a poop since last night. It hit me last night, and I really don't know why, but I spent most of the evening in tears, crying at the least little things. Naturally, when I received more pictures from Kirk and Tara-Lee, as much as I love the pictures they send, just looking at them would remind me how much I love and miss them, and I'd be bawling within seconds. I thought that taking a hot bath would help me to relax, and calm down a bit, but, unfortunately, it didn't work. I just set in the tub and cried. I talk to Kirk, and hear the excitement in his voice, or see the happiness on his face when I look at the pictures they send, and I try my best to be so happy for him, and all that he is now being able to experience, but I'm having such a hard time doing that, I miss them so much! They've only been gone 2 weeks...as of today, and it already seems like they've been away a lifetime! How will I ever make it another 2 yrs. or more? It feels like an eternity! It sure didn't help the situation any, when I finished my bath and got back to the puter, just to see that they had tried phoning me...via Yahoo IM...and I missed it! So, that only made the tears flow more, kicking myself that I took the bath, rather than being at my computer. Naturally, anytime I email, or talk to them, I tell them how much we miss them. I try not to talk about it too much, to them anyway, not wanting to bring Kirk down, bumming him out, or ruining the great time he is having. I really do want him to enjoy every minute that he spends there. But, my heart is still breaking that he is so far away, Tara-Lee, and my precious little Eva too. I see her beautiful little face, and my heart rips in two, I want to pick her up and hold her so close. But, that will be a long time away, and by then, the little baby will be gone, and a toddler in her place. There's something about the sweet smell of babies....and I won't experience that with her, anymore. After Lee holding me till I cried myself to sleep, I was so hoping that when I woke up today, these feelings would have lessened a little....but unfortunately, they haven't. I have to work today, and just the thought of having to go in, and be on the verge of tears, and fight them off all day, is NOT something I'm relishing doing. I could so easily just hybernate in this house today....completely away from the world.
Naturally, too, I'm worried about Landon, and his job, and living situation. That has added so much stress and worry. I feel like everything is piling up on me all at once....like I have 10 plates in front of me, and every single one of them is HEAPING! At times, it just seems to be more than I can handle and I feel like I'm just falling apart. Other days, seem to go fine.
It is such a different age today.... I think back to a time, when young people would marry, both of their parents living in the same town, the newlywed couple making a home in the same town, when children always had their parents close by, and visiting Grandma and Grandpa, was just a short drive across town, or into the country. Families were always together. Now-a-days, it is so different. Families are scattered all across the country, or to the opposite ends of the earth, and part of me thinks, that this isn't the way things are suppose to be. I suppose that is very wishfull and probably very nieve' thinking on my part. I guess, just wishing for the perfect world, and the perfect situation, but knowing that it's never going to be, is what is so heartbreaking.
Well, I suppose that you all are tired of hearing me whine and carry on so, but it just seems to be too much to handle, and I had to sit down and get some of this off my chest, and try to lighten the load some. Hopefully, before this day is over, my spirits will be up a bit, and I won't feel so trampled into the dirt, as I do now.
I hope you all have a great day...I really am going to try. I'll do my best to check in with you all later this evening.
Much love,
Lev
I guess it's the hormones kickin' in again, but I haven't been worth a poop since last night. It hit me last night, and I really don't know why, but I spent most of the evening in tears, crying at the least little things. Naturally, when I received more pictures from Kirk and Tara-Lee, as much as I love the pictures they send, just looking at them would remind me how much I love and miss them, and I'd be bawling within seconds. I thought that taking a hot bath would help me to relax, and calm down a bit, but, unfortunately, it didn't work. I just set in the tub and cried. I talk to Kirk, and hear the excitement in his voice, or see the happiness on his face when I look at the pictures they send, and I try my best to be so happy for him, and all that he is now being able to experience, but I'm having such a hard time doing that, I miss them so much! They've only been gone 2 weeks...as of today, and it already seems like they've been away a lifetime! How will I ever make it another 2 yrs. or more? It feels like an eternity! It sure didn't help the situation any, when I finished my bath and got back to the puter, just to see that they had tried phoning me...via Yahoo IM...and I missed it! So, that only made the tears flow more, kicking myself that I took the bath, rather than being at my computer. Naturally, anytime I email, or talk to them, I tell them how much we miss them. I try not to talk about it too much, to them anyway, not wanting to bring Kirk down, bumming him out, or ruining the great time he is having. I really do want him to enjoy every minute that he spends there. But, my heart is still breaking that he is so far away, Tara-Lee, and my precious little Eva too. I see her beautiful little face, and my heart rips in two, I want to pick her up and hold her so close. But, that will be a long time away, and by then, the little baby will be gone, and a toddler in her place. There's something about the sweet smell of babies....and I won't experience that with her, anymore. After Lee holding me till I cried myself to sleep, I was so hoping that when I woke up today, these feelings would have lessened a little....but unfortunately, they haven't. I have to work today, and just the thought of having to go in, and be on the verge of tears, and fight them off all day, is NOT something I'm relishing doing. I could so easily just hybernate in this house today....completely away from the world.
Naturally, too, I'm worried about Landon, and his job, and living situation. That has added so much stress and worry. I feel like everything is piling up on me all at once....like I have 10 plates in front of me, and every single one of them is HEAPING! At times, it just seems to be more than I can handle and I feel like I'm just falling apart. Other days, seem to go fine.
It is such a different age today.... I think back to a time, when young people would marry, both of their parents living in the same town, the newlywed couple making a home in the same town, when children always had their parents close by, and visiting Grandma and Grandpa, was just a short drive across town, or into the country. Families were always together. Now-a-days, it is so different. Families are scattered all across the country, or to the opposite ends of the earth, and part of me thinks, that this isn't the way things are suppose to be. I suppose that is very wishfull and probably very nieve' thinking on my part. I guess, just wishing for the perfect world, and the perfect situation, but knowing that it's never going to be, is what is so heartbreaking.
Well, I suppose that you all are tired of hearing me whine and carry on so, but it just seems to be too much to handle, and I had to sit down and get some of this off my chest, and try to lighten the load some. Hopefully, before this day is over, my spirits will be up a bit, and I won't feel so trampled into the dirt, as I do now.
I hope you all have a great day...I really am going to try. I'll do my best to check in with you all later this evening.
Much love,
Lev
posted by Lev | 10:50 AM
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